House of Appliance Hell
In a few shy of 20 years of marriage (child bride), we have managed to blow through:
- 4 Coffee Makers
- 4 Toasters (and none of them really worth a damn, including the current model)
- 4 mini vac's (and that's saying something since we've had outside help with our cleaning for the last 14 years...)
- 4 Electric mixers
- 4 can openers
- 4 microwaves (one actually CAUGHT ON FIRE - that was our signal it needed to be replaced!)
- 3 Dishwashers (one actually CAUGHT ON FIRE - no that's not a misprint - it, too, caught on fire - different house - different occasion - sparks flying out of dishwasher)
- 3 Irons
- 3 Waffle Irons
- 2 Griddles
- Oh! And we can't forget the untold numbers of cordless phones. OMG! I'd be willing to wager that we've gone through a minimum of 14 cordless phones. That's almost one per year. Unbelievable. I continually find myself saying, "I'm sorry, could you hang on while I switch to a different cordless? This is the old one we bought three months ago, and it is just shot." Which is met with, "Oh, yeah, I was going to say: You sound like you're in a can... You keep cutting in and out... Are you calling from the UK? Are you on your cell? You sound like you're in a tunnel...in a vacuum...in a box." You get the picture. Very pleasant. And this on a 3 month old phone.
Generally speaking, we buy name brands, and most of the time, I even do a little research before we buy. After all, when you live in the HAH!, you can never be too cautious. But it doesn't seem to matter. Everything breaks.
There is one exception. Old Faithful. Our washer. From 1892. Uh huh. 1892. It came with our first house. The seller was marrying a sugar daddy, and he already had the best of everything, so she no longer needed her top drawer 1892 Roper. Yep. Roper. Ever heard of it? We hadn't either. We figured it probably wouldn't even make it when we moved it to our second house, but lo and behold, we hooked Old Faithful up, and she started going - full blast. It wasn't until she got to the spin cycle that we noticed something was a little off. Well, that might be a bit of understatement. Let's see. How shall I describe it?
Think back to your days of the pre-college exam. ACT...SAT. Now, remember on the SAT - the verbal section? Come on, dig back. You can do it. Exercise that old gray matter! OK, are you with me? S-T-R-E-T-C-H! OK, Verbal section - Analogies. I know, college was a long time ago. But this is fun, right?! Here we go...
Rock concert is to World War III as Tacky Princess's washer is to a Boeing 737 taking off
Have you wrapped your brain around that one? Are you getting the mental picture? Since we moved over 10 years ago, our washer has sounded like a Boeing 737 taking off outside of our kitchen (where the laundry room is). Now, I'm all for having the laundry on the first floor, but if you heard this washer...
If someone happens to be doing laundry when we have guests over, and the spin cycle comes on...OMG! The alarmed look that comes across their faces. You can tell they are sure that we are under terrorist attack. All conversation must cease. The floor / furniture / windows shake. The CD that's turning might even skip. When the cycle is over, we calmly explain the situation. Our guests give us that "you poor saps" look and politely excuse themselves. Why, you might ask, don't we replace it? Well, it WORKS fine. It's just noisy (and annoying) as hell. There are other ailing appliances in the HAH! that demand our immediate attention (and monies...). So, how can we justify $600 or $800 for another new one unnecessarily?
And when my Big Strong Man is out of town...well...let's just say, it can keep a girl company, if you know what I mean. HA!